I miss having friends. This is why I don’t miss having friends and why I no longer get lonely. I’m currently 28 years old, but in my late teens I had a strong friend group but it turned out to mostly be built on lies. People either hung out with me because I had something they wanted, they felt sorry for me, or just out of convenience.
In the end, I was left with one good friend who ended up moving 800 miles away and dozens of acquaintances that I don’t even trust. From this experience, I learned a few key things that helped me feel more comfortable with solitude and now loneliness is a thing of the past.
Sometimes, you might not feel you age when navigating these social dynamics, but understanding your own boundaries is timeless.
The Reality of Fading Friendships
First, I’ll summarize how a few of my friendships ended up falling apart and how I learned when to walk away. Now I know how much it sucks to feel like you’re the only person putting any effort into the relationship.
The Compassionate Friend Who Drifted
My oldest friend, let’s call him Friend A, and I were friends for 16 or 17 years. I still consider us friends but we don’t really talk anymore. We hung out all the time all through middle school and high school. After high school, we got along great. He really was a very compassionate person that put up with my insecurities and my depression even when he had to walk on eggshells and feel uncomfortable around me.
Don’t get me wrong, he made me feel uncomfortable sometimes too, but we had so much fun together every time we hung out that it just made up for it. Now over the years as adults, we kind of grew apart because I was really focused on my business and I had very little time to hang out.
Eventually, a social faux pas occurred during a hike where I mistakenly deflected attention onto him during a misunderstanding with a stranger. It turns out that was the wrong thing to do. A friend very sensitive about it and he had a very, very, very hard time forgiving me. I apologized up and down all over the place as much as I could. I begged his forgiveness; I admitted I was wrong.
But he just kept bringing it up over and over again every time we hung out. Eventually, I just thought like I’ve apologized enough man. Like it was a social faux pas, I made a mistake, I’m sorry. But he just couldn’t move past it and at a certain point I just decided well it’s on him and I just focused on my stuff and my work.
We tried to make plans again several months ago and the conversation died over text because I was trying to ask, “Hey when do you want to do this? When’s a good time for you?” Just got no response. So I just figured I don’t want to be the needy friend who’s begging to hang out. I’m busy, I have a life, I don’t need anybody.
The Friend Who Couldn’t Handle Change
Another friend, Friend C, also from middle school, was a great friend. We went to separate schools and went our separate ways and then we became friends again after college when I had started my business and he had started his accounting job. We started hanging out; he would come up to visit every few months and we would discuss things.
But then things started to go downhill for me in my business and when we hung out I had a lot of bad news for him. At a certain point, I shared some of my deeper theories and perspectives, and he just decided that he couldn’t relate to me anymore and just cut me out of his life.
I texted him again a few months later saying “Hey man how you doing?” Got left on read. After that, never contacted him again and I didn’t feel an ounce of guilt or shame or regret at all because I’ve got better things to do anyway.
Sometimes friendships are like taste preferences and that’s okay. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever.
How to Increase Your Value in Friendships
One of the biggest things I learned from all this is that you have to know when to give someone an ultimatum to say “Hey if you don’t stop doing this I’m done, I’ve got other things to do.” Or to know when the ball is in their court. When you’ve done all that you can do, when you’ve said what you need to say and they’re not responding, know not to keep trying to get them to respond because if they’re not interested, they’re not interested and they aren’t worth your time.
There were two audiobooks that I listened to that helped me learn how to manage my relationships and friendships more than anything else: 48 Laws of Power and How to Win Friends and Influence People. This applies to both sales and relationships.
The Power of Distance
Law 16 of the 48 Laws of Power states that once people begin to take you for granted, the best thing that you can do is distance yourself from them. Distance raises value. And just like in sales, the worst thing that you can do is be needy. Stop apologizing all the time.
Have you guys ever noticed that you might have a particular friend who never seems to reach out first? You’re always the one to ask to hang out or text them to ask them how they’re doing. Well, stop doing that because once you stop doing that you’ll finally realize who your true friends are because your true friends will check in on you.
Being Truly Interested
The best thing I learned from How to Win Friends and Influence People is that when you’re hanging out with somebody, don’t talk about yourself the whole time. Focus as much as you can on the other person and wait for them to ask questions about you. This is something I had a very hard time learning and it took me a long time to figure it out. But my papa always said, “If you want a friend be one.” And I think I finally know what that means.
As important as that is, don’t put up with disrespect or having your time wasted when people request ridiculous favors from you all the time and say “Well that’s what a friend’s supposed to do.” That’s a big red flag. A friend should not be a burden. In the end, it’s better to be alone than waste time with people who don’t add value to your life.
Defeating Loneliness Through Purpose
So how did I overcome loneliness and the desire to seek out friendships and relationships? Well, once you’ve been mistreated and misunderstood enough times you just stop caring. Managing your friend network should not feel like a battle. I already have to deal with enough challenges with my business.
Prioritize Loved Ones
Now we don’t all have close loved ones and family members that support us unconditionally but I do. I found that prioritizing loved ones and staying close with loved ones is a great way to suppress that lonely feeling.
Pursue Your Own Ambitions
Having your own goals and ambitions is the most important thing because if you can do something like a side hustle or a brand or a business or a YouTube channel that takes up all your free time, that can be something that gives you fulfillment and joy without the need for other people.
It can kill two birds with one stone because you can develop a strong social network on social media and have this large network of acquaintances that follow everything you do and talk to you all the time. It feels like you’ve got real friends because if you’re honest and genuine and show when you’re feeling down on your Instagram story let’s say, they might message you and check in on you and that really, really helps.
I swear if I didn’t have my branded social media I would feel so much more lonely. But yeah having this strong ever-present social life to constantly maintain, it actually distracts from the ultimate goals in your life.
Key Takeaways for Navigating Friendship
Here is a summary of the lessons learned to help you navigate your own social circles.
Friendship Management Table
| Principle | Actionable Advice | Why It Works |
| Value Your Time | Know when to walk away if you are the only one making an effort. | Prevents resentment and frees you for better connections. |
| Law of Distance | If taken for granted, distance yourself. Don’t be needy. | Scarcity increases value; true friends will reach out. |
| Active Listening | Focus on the other person; don’t talk about yourself the whole time. | People love being heard; “If you want a friend, be one.” |
| Identify Red Flags | Do not tolerate disrespect or friends who are constant burdens. | Protects your energy and self-respect. |
| Find Purpose | Pursue personal goals, business, or hobbies that fulfill you. | Reduces reliance on others for happiness and attracts like-minded people. |
In the end, I was left with one good friend who ended up moving 800 miles away. But from this experience, I learned a few key things that helped me feel more comfortable with solitude and now loneliness is a thing of the past.